ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
