I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
