How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
