ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
