She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize