worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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