i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize