If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Randomize
