It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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