So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
