I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
