oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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