Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
