Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
