College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
