OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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