After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize