I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
