yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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