Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
