"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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