so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
