i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
