NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
