his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
