Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
