There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
