Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
