So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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