i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
