happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
