I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
