I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
