he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Your cock deserves a montage
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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