your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
