Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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