Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize