Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
