How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
