I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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