I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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