I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
