At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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