Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Houston, we have a squirter
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I need to calm my uterus...
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize