Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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