I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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