If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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