bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
it was like eating out sand paper
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
