He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
My dick has a subreddit
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
