Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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