Can i not drive my cunt home
Your mouth is God's brothel.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
