Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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