So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I deserve this hangover.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
