I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
