dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i came on her dog
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
