im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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