Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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