where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
