If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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