The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
handjob tips. give me some.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
