if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
