She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize