The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize