Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
