how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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